"The Weaning Process"

Friday, May 25, 2007 9:12 AM

Lately, I've been very introspective about my children.  From the time they were born, raising them has been my top priority.  We usually go together as well as peanut butter and jelly, but this year, I've noticed a change.  My mom told me that they are starting to wean themselves from me and that as they go through high school, it will become more noticable.  Each year they will begin to spend less and less time with me and become more distant in certain ways.  Eventually, (according to mom) they will become independent.  She predicts that although I will miss them, I won't long for their presence continuously.

Since I've been so introspective, it gave me an opportunity to think of the "weaning process" as a healthy and necessary phase.  I also tied the same analogy to my hairloss.  I was born with a TON of gorgeous, curly, dark hair.  In elementary school, it grew past my waist.  In high school, the other girls all loved to style it for me at slumber parties.  I was very attached to my hair.  Then, the "weaning process" began.  Slowly, but surely, it thinned.  I hated to wash it because I could see the results in the tub as it drained away.  At first, I held on very tight to everything I had left.  I tried to protect it.  Went to the doctors, did the research, took the vitamins (and any other therapy) I could find to keep it with me.  After several years, I began to let go.  First, I changed it with perms.  Then I masked it with colored sprays and powders.  Next, I covered it with wigs, but I still saw it at the end of each day.  My next phase was braiding it all up and attaching weaves to it.  I only saw my hair once every three months this way.  I stayed in the weave phase for several years.  I just couldn't quite let go and become independent. 

One day, I was struck with the realization that my hair wasn't doing ANYTHING for me at all.  No one had seen my natural hair for twenty years.  Why in the world was I trying to hold onto it?  Finally, I let it go.  Deciding to shave your hair, whether it's a little space or your entire head, is unbelieveably difficult.  It won't happen until you are ready for it.  To be ready for that, you need to go through your very own "weaning process".  Only you can decide how long it will take and what steps will be necessary.

All of you who used to be chained to some sort of hair club contract have to experience "the weaning process" twice.  First, you weaned yourself from your natural hair.  Next, you have to go through the scary process of weaning yourself away from the club you belong to so you can do this all by yourself.  Just the thought of being independent is intimidating.

In the end, I have to give my mom credit.  She's right.  You can do this!  You can succeed..and you can do it all by yourself.  I have become independent and although I miss my natural hair, I certainly don't long for it's presence anymore.  My life without it is fufilling.  I have finished "The Weaning Process"......with my hair.

As for my children?  It will be far more difficult to let go of them.

Babe