Random Thoughts - Who knows? Who needs to know?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007 11:09 AM

While Hairlady was driving us toward our swimming, tennis and basketball activities for the HD video, I received a call on my cell phone.  It was my sister.  As usual, the conversation starts out with, "Hey, what are you doing?"

My answer was completely unexpected.  I explained that I was on my way to make a video for Hair Direct and that it would be used to educate other women about wearing hair while living normal lives. 

"What do you mean wearing hair???" she queried.

It was immediately apparent that I needed to take the easy road out of this conversation...the timing just wasn't right.

So I replied, "Oh, just a hair thing...never mind, we can talk about it later...how are you and the kids?"

My family knows I wear hair.  For years they have seen me with wigs, weaves and ponytail add-ons.  Most of my hairloss is genetic, my paternal grandmother and her children had almost no hair...my mother (who maybe you will meet here) has very thin hair...and my sisters also have thin hair that is disguised as cleverly as possible.  

Why then, was I hesitating with this conversation? 

After we ended the call, I didn't have much time to think about the exchange, but it certainly stayed on my mind and I continued to question my response for several days.  Women who wear hair are such a complexity!  My response had to go thru several layers of processing that I am still trying to pinpoint today.

Some jumbled ramblings:

• does anyone need (or want) to know exactly what my hair looks like?
• is this hair changing who I am?
• who am I without this hair?  or with it?
• will my family love me without it?
• am I so weak that I couldn't be confident without it?
• what's the big deal with telling people?
• is it vanity?
• is it privacy?
• is it perfectionism?
• is it generated by media?  history?  insecurity?

It might be all of these things...and it may actually be none of things...

Here is what I think.  I believe that my hesitation to answer my sister, and others, with full details stems from my subconcious decision to be thoughtful of others.  In addition, I want to protect and to respect others.  

From the moment my children were born, I have tried to protect them (usually to a fault).  When I heard something on the radio that was distasteful, I changed the channel.  While driving, if there was an accident, I would pull to the far side so that they wouldn't see the details.  When someone in close proximity was using foul language, I would talk louder to distract them and gain their attention.  

Why?  In my humble opinion, no one needs to see the aftermath of a squirrel's decision to run into the road in front of someone's car.  When I respond with, "Uh-oh, bad decision today Mr. Squirrel" I think that sums it up.  I have no need to turn the car around and examine the roadside.  Sorry, perhaps that analogy is tough and a bit gamey (HAHAHA!  I just got my own joke!!! ), but consider the following...

I say, "I wear hair." 

Almost everyone knows it and probably before Hair Direct is done, the majority of this country and parts of many others will know it too!!!  Tee hee...  I respect, and am thoughtful of, the fact that most people don't need (or want) to know any more.  I could take my guy into the bathroom with me when I "change my hair"...but I would have to drag him in from the lacrosse field.  I could force my daughters to watch me when I "put on my hair"...but they would rather go horseback riding...

Why?  Because they just don't have the desire to know how it's attached.  They don't have any desire to see what's in my HD boxes.  They don't ask where my "real hair" ends and Hair Direct's begins.  They don't feel the need to know how I clean my head. They don't have any other picture of me than the one that stands in front of them every single day.  If that picture were to change dramatically, then they may have a need to understand why - but since it doesn't, in the words of my 14 year olds, "It's all good!"

• I'm the sexy partner
• I'm the cool mom
• I'm the patient teacher
• I'm the dedicated employee
• I'm the thoughtful neighbor

And....by the way....I am confident, caring, attractive and loving...with...or without hair - and no one in my family needs (or wants) to know any more.

Sweet dreams on your satin pillowcases,

Babe